If you’re new to web marketing, you’ve no doubt found you’re getting quite an education. Not only are you tweaking your own web content and strategy, you’re continuously hit with internet jargon that, often times, either sounds like a scientific formula or a silly catch phrase. To help you, here’s a quick crash course of jargon that will have you fluently speaking “jarginese” in no time.To start, we’ll have some fun with some terms and/or phrases compiled from Jargon Watch that will make you look like you REALLY know what you’re talking about when you’re “byte-bonding” but be sure it’s at an appropriate time and place, or you my find it was a real “CLM.”
404
Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404, URL Not Found”, meaning that the document you’ve tried to access can’t be located. “Don’t bother asking him … he’s 404, man.”
Alpha Geek
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Larry, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
The Beast
Hip-hop slang for something that’s out-of-control cool. “The new Cypress Hill record is The Beast, Man!”
Bambi
What game- and talk-show staffers call someone who freezes in front of the camera (like a deer caught in headlights).
Bio-break
Techie euphemism for using the toilet.
Bit-spit
Any form of digital correspondence (text, bit-mapped images, fax transmissions) or the act of sending same. “Did you bit-spit that file to Jane yet?”
Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the person you’re speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!”
Brain Fart
A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. “I know you’re busy on the Microsoft story, but could you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?” Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
Byte-bonding
When computer users get together and discuss things that noncomputer users don’t understand. When the byte-bonded start playing on a computer during a noncomputer-related social event, they are “geeking out.”
Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Chips and Salsa
Chips = computer hardware, salsa = software. “Well, first we gotta figure out if the problems in your chips or your salsa.”
Cobweb Site
A World Wide Web site that hasn’t been updated for a long time. A dead Web page.
Cybrarian
One who makes a living doing online research and information retrieval. Also known as a “data surfer” or a “super searcher.”
Designosaurs
A species, nearing extinction, of designers who refuse to use computers.
Domainism
Internet prejudice. Judging someone on the basis of how cool/uncool his or her e-mail address is. “Why should anyone list to you, you’re posting from AOL!”
Egosurfing
Scanning the Net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for mention of your own name.
Frankenedit
A gruesome job of editing a writer’s work by a hurried editor. The frankenedited piece is usually returned with a note asking the writer to suture it back together and to breath life back into it (by the next morning).
G.O.O.D. Job
A “get-out-of-debt” job. A well-paying position you take to pay off your debts, and one you’ll quit as soon as you’re solvent.
Infobahn
Term being bandied about Capitol Hill as a faster and more global-sounding replacement for the cumbersome “information superhighway.”
Interrupt-Driven
Used to describe someone who moves through the a workday responding to a series of interruptions rather than the work goals originally set.
JOOTT
(Just One Of Those Things, pronounced “jute”) – Inexplicable computer problems that appear and then fix themselves (or are fixed by turning off the machine or reinstalling thesoftware). You have no idea what caused the problem or why it went away. It was a JOOTT.
Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. “Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque.”
LRF Support
An official-sounding computer feature that can be used to prank a salesperson or a computer know-it-all. “Does this system come with LRF support?” (LRF stands for Little Rubber Feet.)
Mouse Potato
The online and interactive-TV generation’s answer to couch potato.
NIMQ (pronounced “nihm-kyoo”)
Acronym for “Not in My Queue.” Said in response to suggestions to take on additional tasks or projects when you’re already overwhelmed. Similar to the more common “It’s not my job.”
NRN
(No Response Necessary) – A proposed e-mail conversation to prevent endless back-and-forth acknowledgements: “Thanks for the info.” “You’re welcome … hope it helps.” “I hope so too. Thanks.” By putting NRN at the bottom of your mail, you absolve the reader from having to reply, thus saving precious e-mail time.
Ohnosecond
That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake, such as accidently deleting your e-mail address book in a non-recoverable way. Seen in Elizabeth P. Crowe’s book The Electronic Traveler.
Paintmonkey
Someone with a less-than-glamorous entry-level computer graphics job. A paintmonkey may spend months on a nanosecond of digitized film footage, painting mattes, or doing monotonous touch-ups.
Permalancer
A permanent freelancer. A person hired on a per-project basis who lives a benefits-free existence.
Triple-dub
An abbreviated way to say “WWW”
Uninstalled
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice-president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.”
Now, ready to get down to the essentials?
Subscribe to Our Blog
Join hundreds of people who get free and fresh content every week.
